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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

The Single Mom and Dating

There are two topics that I have wanted to write about but have not done so out of trepidation. The first topic is the custody situation between my daughter’s father and me, and the second is dating. I will probably never write about the situation between my daughter’s father and me, because I am not sure if BD (Baby Daddy) will use what I write against me. (I am just going to wait until she is 18 and publish a book about the entire thing. (I am working on it so be ready when it does come out.))

The dating scene has been very challenging for me. (Disclaimer: I do not, have not, and will not expose my daughter to members of the opposite sex that I may have interest in.) Due to the fact that my daughter is so young, I have not gotten back into the dating scene until recently. I live in a city full of married people. All of my friends are married so I have no wing man to assist me on ventures out (This is probably a good thing because the bar scene is not really my thing). My mom, who doesn’t understand why I don’t have dates because I have so much going for me (her words not mine), suggested an online dating site. My luck I would end up with a stalker like the Craigslist killer or fall in love with someone that lives in Alaska. Besides it seems very time consuming. My ever optimistic mother has also suggested attending churches with large singles groups. My reply to this suggestion is that God would know that I have ulterior motives and would not allow me to meet someone there. Besides when I do go to church I see plenty of men … sitting next to their wives. At the singles gathering it will be a bunch of women standing around talking about their kids. So I have relied on what I do very well, which is network. I have been asking people I know (or strangers I meet in passing) if they have any single friends. If so here is my card. Actually, I have done everything short of wearing a sandwich board sign that reads “I’m Single!” Fortunately, this networking has gotten me some dates. Ok it’s gotten me 2, but it’s a start. Unfortunately, instead of dipping my toe into the dating sea and easing into it, I dive head first and realize the water is cold, deep, and I have forgotten how to swim.

Dating is hard enough as it is. Playing the game, wondering if he likes you, and when will that guy call you???!!!!!! Dating for the single parent is a double edged sword. When a woman with no children dates a man that has children, he is endearing and attractive. (This status tells a woman that this guy is capable of committing and can reproduce.) When a man with no children dates a woman that has children she suddenly has baggage. It’s like gray hair, on a man it is distinguished, on a woman it is a nightmare. I feel like when I meet someone I should be honest and say, “I have been emotionally battered. The past 2 years of my life have been something out of a Lifetime movie. I have a daughter who I love more than life itself, and I am looking for someone who will fall in love with both of us. If you think you are incapable of this, CHECK PLEASE!” Yeah that’s a great way to make a first impression and have the guy tuck tail and run!

I am being honest when I say, I want to be married. I want a family. I want someone to make breakfast for on Saturday mornings. However, through a recent escapade I realized that I am not ready. I think I am, but the truth is, I’m broken. My life is not a romantic comedy where some perfect guy will swoop in and make everything all better.  The only person who can mend my brokenness is me, with God's help. (Glad I have admitted this to myself and all of you because this will some money and a session with my therapist $$) When I do go out on future dates I will recognize that it is just for fun and for goodness sake stay away from wine! I am not giving up on dating or on men. I know there is someone out there that will offer me everything I am looking for, it is just not now. Besides, I have to date. Dating gives me topics for my book The Unexpecting Mommy’s Guide to Dating.

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