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Monday, June 27, 2011


I RAN!!!!  (Not like the Flock of Seagulls).  I actually ran…..well it was more like a jog, but faster than a walk.  There was no one chasing me with a sharp object either (see my blog post iBert), there was a Pomeranian on the first cul-de-sac that nipped at my ankles, but no dark figure in a mask chasing me down an alley.  What started out as a walk after dinner to help ease digestion and release some daily frustration ended up as an actual jog.  Nothing like a little Cher “Life After Love” to motivate me to put one foot in front of the other.  It felt kind of good, so I kept on jogging.  There was something about the smell of fresh cut grass and the sunset that urged me on.  After a good while, I began to feel like a sumo wrestler was sitting on my chest, and I found it hard to breathe.  Sometime later my leftover homemade pesto began wanting to make a second appearance (remember I said this “walk” was to help ease digestion).  It was at that point I decided to cool down.  (I don’t want to make any enemies by puking in my neighbor’s yard!) 
It was a good time to stop because mosquito control was coming down the street.  During my run I decided that I could do this more often.  I also decided that I would document my success, so I took a picture when I got home.  This is me as I am right now.  In a few weeks I will take another one and hopefully have improved.  (Boot camp starts next week.)  

As I turned the corner back to my house "Good Life" by One Republic came on my iPod.  I thought this really is a good life, and I am thankful.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

The Greatest Place on Earth

This past week I was in Disney World.  On the way, I rode under the welcome sign that read “Where Dreams Come True”.  At that moment I closed my eyes and made a wish. My wish was that I would get to see Angel sometime soon.  Being without her has had me sad and depressed.  I have had dreams that Angel is in the park alone and is looking for me, but I am not there.  I miss her so much.  On top of all that my house was struck by lightning (as mentioned in my previous post).  Work, loneliness, family, friends, disappointments, and financial burdens all have me down.  As much as I try to focus on the positive something negative happens and distracts me.

My second day at my resort I kept noticing numerous children in wheelchairs.  They were everywhere, and would run you over if you got in their path on their way to “The Greatest Place on Earth”.  I asked, and was informed that the children were paraplegics, some of which were terminally ill.  These children were such an inspiration to me.  When I saw them, some of whom couldn’t even move, I got a lump in my throat and began to cry (crying is a normal thing for me.  I do it all the time.  I’ve done it on a date, in front of my boss, and complete strangers).  One day while standing in the lobby of the resort, I over heard one of these children say to their parents, “It’s going to be a great day!”  This little boy was in a red wheel chair. He was about 6 years old and was not looking at what he didn’t have, but what he did.  What he had in front of him was a fun filled day at Disney World with his family, and that was all that mattered. 

When things don’t go our way or something bad happens to us, we have a tendency to focus only on that.  Sometimes, we question God and lose our faith.  I can’t stand being away from my sweet baby.  She is my entire world and the past few weeks have been hard for me without her.  Seeing these children made me thank God that Angel is healthy, safe, and will be back in my arms in no time.  The things that I’ve lost can be replaced; the things that don’t work can be repaired.  I am looking forward to what is in front of me and it’s a great life and I am thankful!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

PRK and Lightning

Since my darling little Angel is not around I thought I would continue my writing about things going on in my life without her. After all not everyone that reads my blog is a parent (Thanks Wende!). What an interesting week it has been. Monday evening my house was struck by lightning. The good news is that it didn’t catch fire. The bad news is that I do have damage, and the amount to fix it falls right under my deductible. Well of course it does! Anyway, as I mentioned in my previous blog I had PRK Tuesday which stands for photorefractive keratectomy. If you want to know what it is and how it differs from Lasik, Google it. All I can say is it HURTS.  I won’t go into them using this metal device to actually scrape off the top layer of your eyeball. Did the lightning strike my house or my eyes? I have heard so many stories from people raving about their eye surgery and not one said there was much pain involved. Then again, I don’t think any of them had PRK. When I went in for my initial consult the nurse told me that I would have some discomfort for a few days after the surgery; that it may feel like I had sand in my eyes. What she should have said is that it would feel like you passed out on the beach, face first, with your eyes wide open! Also, she should have mentioned to prepare for living like mole, because I couldn’t fully open my eyes until day 3. Friday when I went to the doctor, I told her that she and the staff had been wonderful, but that I didn’t think I would recommend this surgery to any of my friends. I think she was a bit put off, and replied that maybe I had a low pain threshold. I always thought I had a high tolerance for pain. After all I have gone through child birth….ok I did have an epidural, but I have had a Brazilian bikini wax with no anesthesia. Shouldn’t that count for something? (If you don’t know what a Brazilian bikini wax entails Google it, but I don't recommend it!)
Here I am at day 6, eyes less puffy, no more sand, and I am starting to see many things more clearly. (That is meant both literally and figuratively.) If you are not a candidate for Lasik and the doctor suggest PRK my advice is taking a week from work, darken your room, and prepare yourself for a Valium induced sleep. I know it will all be worth it in the end. I can’t wait to roll over and see the time on my alarm clock. Oh wait it doesn’t work anymore, it was struck by lightning!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Last Day in Glasses

Today is my last day in glasses!  I am very excited about my surgery tomorrow.  I mentioned that I am getting Lasik (that is what most people are familiar with), but actually I am getting PRK.  This procedure is similar to Lasik but is usually reserved for people with REALLY bad vision, like myself.  Getting ready for surgery has probably been worse than the surgery will be.  You have to wear glasses for at least 3 weeks before surgery, which doesn’t seem that bad, and for most people it probably isn’t. For me on the other hand it is horrible!  First, I can’t see to put my make up on so I have been leaving the house with eyeliner that looks like Amy Winehouse.   
Second, my prescription sunglasses are about 5 years old, so not only are they out of style they are also not the right prescription.  This means that for the past 3 weeks I have been driving around with my regular sunglasses over my prescription glasses.  This has definitely gotten some looks from other drivers on the interstate.  Finally, sometimes you forget you are wearing glasses.  I know this seems absurd, especially when like me, you are wearing 2 coke bottle bottoms, but it can happen.  Last night for instance, I got in the shower with my glasses on.  I didn’t realize they were on until I started seeing water droplets on my lenses.  I took them off and am thankful I read the shampoo bottle before I washed my hair because I would have conditioned before I washed.  Thank goodness I don’t keep any Nair in my shower.  That could have ended up really bad!

My first weekend without my Angel wasn’t too bad.  Friday night I didn’t go home.  I stayed with my family and we all laughed, cried, and missed Angel together.  I have an amazing family and am so grateful for them.  Saturday I went home, did some things around my house, took a nap, then went over to my sisters, had dinner with her family, and proceeded to stomp my niece, Faith, in “Just Dance”.  When I got home I crawled in the bed and leaned over to turn on my baby monitor only to remember there is nothing on the other end for me to listen to.  That was hard, but I have done that before when she was gone.  Sunday I went to church, and later caught up with friends who had called to check on me. 
I have come to the conclusion that I have to accept this situation as it is.  Things could be worse, I could have been a victim of a tornado or flood, and have lost every precious memento of my Angel.  Sometimes we don’t understand why things happen how they do, but I know there is a reason for everything.  At least I know Angel is happy, well taken care of, and I will get to see her again very soon. 

Saturday, June 11, 2011

51 Days Without My Angel

I woke up this morning contested, with swollen eyes, and a feeling of emptiness.  Yesterday, I turn over my barely 14 month old daughter to her father for 2 months.  This is certainly not by my choice.  This decision was made by a judge.  I have asked for visitation from BD (Baby Daddy) which has been rejected.  I think it is sad that my Angel will have to go that long without seeing her Mother.  I could understand if she was older but she’s barely a year old!  Please don’t get me wrong I am not against Angel spending time with her dad, and I am thankful that he desires a relationship with her.  However, two months is a long time for a baby to be away from the only parent she has really known since birth.

Usually my blogs are about Angel, our relationship, milestones she’s passing, products I have found fun or useful, and my friends and family that see me through my situation.  In the days ahead I am going to write about myself, what I am doing to help the time fly by, and how I deal with this entire ordeal.  
So here’s the Unexpecting Mommy’s list of things to do while her sweet Angel is away.
  1. Next week I am getting something done I should have had done a long time ago.  No Sophia, I am not changing my hairstyle (she says I’ve had the same hair style since high school).  I am getting Lasik eye surgery!  I have been wearing glasses since I was 11.  My eyes are so bad that I call my glasses future goggles.  If you want to know what you will be doing tomorrow, look through my glasses.  
  2. I will be doing some traveling.  Not to Croatia or Prague like I had hoped, but a few fun places.
  3. Have my back yard landscaped.  
  4. Get back into shape. I am joining a boot camp next week in an effort to get my pre-baby body back.  There is a tube of goo that surrounds my belly at this point in time that could definitely benefit from some ab crunches.  Also, it will be nice to be able to walk up a flight of stairs without getting winded.
  5. Get back into Yoga.  If you have never done a yoga class, you are missing out.  I practiced yoga for about 12 years before I had Angel and LOVE it!  I haven’t been able to do it very often because as most of you parents out there know who has the time?!
  6. Take some tennis lessons.  Tennis is another sport that I loved but was never really good at.  I played on league a few years ago and I think the only reason the girls let me stay on the team was because they needed an extra player.  One of my friends described my tennis skills like bee swatting. 
  7. Go to church.  I attend church, but would like to shop around some more to find a church home.  I really want to get more involved in church activities.
  8. Put Angel’s pictures in frames, rearrange her room, redecorate my room, see friends I haven’t seen in a while, bother the friends that I see often, spend time with my loved ones, and rearrange my sock drawer.
The next days, weeks, months will be a hard time for me.  I know I will get through it.  I am strong and have so many people that lift me up everyday.  I just pray through this time Angel never thinks I have abandoned her or have forgotten about her.  She is in my thoughts every second and will be until the day I die.  Near or far she is always in my heart!