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Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Moving On

It has been almost 2 years since I re-entered the single world. It was not good timing considering I was 4 months pregnant (not something guys look for when dating). Dorian (that’s what I’ll call Angel’s father) and I tried to work on being together after she was born, but that was short lived. Since then I have gone on a few dates but have not allowed myself to get involved with anyone. My main focus has been Angel and spending my time with her, but I want a family and that requires a husband. Last time I checked they don’t come knocking on your door.

I recently came to terms with the fact that I still had feelings for Dorian, and that I needed to address them so that I could move on with my life. I needed to heal. Going through a break up is hard, but going through a break up with someone you share a child with is even harder. In some of my previous blog post I have written about the struggles I have gone through, emotionally, with the absence of Angel’s father. The hardest part for me was going through my pregnancy, birth, and Angel’s first year alone. Somewhere deep inside my soul I thought, wished, and even prayed that Dorian and I would get back together and that we would be a story book family. I clung onto this fantasy until recently when I expressed my feelings to him and well let’s just say reality sat in, and I knew that would never happen. Hopefully we will eventually be able to be friendly with each other and do things together to give Angel a sense of comfort.

I am now ready to move on. Like my good friend Santiago used to say address, process, move on. I have done the first two and now it is time for the latter. I hope one day I find love again. I pray someone loves me as much as the person I loved the most. I just hope it doesn’t take too long for me to find them!

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