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Sunday, October 2, 2011

Top 10 Things NOT To Do After A Break Up!

Most all of us at some point in our lives have gone through a breakup.  After going through the worse one of my life I have come up with the Top 10 Things NOT to do after a break up.  I list these things based on personal experience (some of them a friend told me about ;).

10. Don’t subject yourself to country music.  This includes but is not limited to Kelly Pickler’s Didn’t You Know How Much I Loved You, any songs by Keith Urban, Faith Hill, Tim McGraw or that Dolly Parton song (the one Whitney Houston remade for The BodyGuard).  Just stay away from it all!  There really isn’t too many feel good country songs that will aid you during your breakup time they will just make you miserable.

9. When you are in public and news of a wedding or relationship is going around don’t scoff under your breath and say, “Yeah that will last!” because you are bitter.   Especially when it is 2 Brits talking and they are discussing the royal wedding.  They take that kind of stuff seriously. 

8. On long rainy weekends when you are all by yourself don’t buy any ice cream, cookies, candy, chocolate, cake cupcakes, or a can of whipped cream, especially if there is a Lifetime movie marathon on.  You will eat it, ALL.  This is not good for your post breakup figure, and your eyes will be swollen from watching Terms of Endearment.

7. Do Not listen to Delilah (the radio talk show host of adult contemporary soft rock).  Listening to all these happy couples that call in, who are blissfully in love will only provoke you to call in and tell her producer that love is a crock and all these people are delusional.  Instead of listening to Lite-mix try heavy metal (but stay away from the great 80’s ballads except for Whitesnake’s, Here I Go Again On My Own).

6. Do not sit in your car bellowing out the final stanza of Adele’s Don’t You Remember when the parking lot you are sitting in is completely full and your windows are cracked. 

5. Don’t pursue a person just because they look like your ex.  This does not help you get over your ex.  If you do and you go out with them don’t tell them how much they remind you of your ex.  Apparently they don’t find this flattering.

4. I have mentioned this before, Do Not go out, have one to many glasses of wine and send drunk text messages!  Your judgment is clearly NOT clear when you have booze brains.  If you go out and will be partaking in the consumption of alcoholic beverages give your phone to the person you are with and tell them under no circumstances should they let you have your phone for fear that you might text your ex.  This goes over really well especially on a first date!

3. Do Not do drive bys!  This includes driving by your ex’s house, their new love interest house, their parent’s house, places you think they might be, and using Google earth to look and see who is at their house.  (These images are not in real time). 

2. Do not torture yourself by watching sappy movies and romantic comedy’s where in a 2 hour time span the beautiful, successful, unsuspecting girl, that has everything going for her finds true love and lives happily ever after with the dorky guy that is her best friend.  This NEVER happens.  This includes Pretty Woman, Never Been Kissed, Serendipity, Knocked Up (my life story except for the ending) and He’s Just Not That In To You.  Well, maybe you should watch that last one.  There is a lot of good information in that movie about recognizing when a guy is into you and when he’s not.  My favorite line from this movie and my dating motto is, “If a guy wants to be with you he will be”.  Words to live by.

1. NO matter what don’t ever under any circumstances cry on a first date and tell the guy, “You just don’t understand”.  If you are so emotionally vulnerable that there is even the slightest chance that you may cry to a guy that you just met, especially if the subject you are crying about is your ex and the situation between the two of you, STAY HOME and eat ice cream.  You won’t feel badly when the ice cream never calls you back!

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