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Wednesday, July 20, 2011

BIG NEWS!


I have MARVELOUS news!  I will be picking Angel this Sunday, a week early!  I am so happy, I am about to come out of my skin!  I will be in the area where her father lives this weekend, and asked him if I could take her home with me in exchange for an extra week in August.  He agreed!  For those of you who do not know Angel has been with her Father for the summer.  It was in our court ruling that he get her for June and July with no visitation for me in between.  Many people have asked how a judge could keep a 15 month old away from her Mother for that long. I cannot post what I think the reason is but it doesn’t matter it is what it is. 
As for any parent, this time apart from my sweet baby has been very difficult for me.  Fortunately, I have and AMAZING support system.  I want to thank you all for your concern, prayers, uplifting messages, and words of encouragement.  I have cards on my refrigerator from friends that have been praying for us during this time.  I have to thank my Mom, sister, and friends for always listening to me when I was sad and felt like I was going to lose it.  I especially want to thank my best friend Sophia who did everything short of stand on her head to make me laugh during my darkest hour.  I also want to thank Angel’s father for agreeing to let me have her early.  I’m not sure I could have stood another week with her absent.  Since his agreement the laugh lines around my eyes are so deep no amount of Botox could fix them. (Maybe I should make a call about that ;).  I have not stopped smiling and won’t stop.
The hardest part is going to be waiting, but I have been waiting for 41 days so what’s a few more.  Luckily I have a busy schedule to keep me occupied.  Sunday will be the longest day.  I am like a child as Christmas approaches making large red X’s on my calendar counting down the days, and the days just got fewer.  I could learn that I have won the lotto and couldn’t be happier than I am about seeing my precious Angel.  My next post will be a story of our reunion so please stay tuned!     

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Meaning of Life


Great News!  Now anyone can leave comments.  You don’t have to be a Follower, (however, I would really appreciate it if you did Follow) but if you have a comment please feel free to leave it.

Yesterday, I went to my friend Claire’s house to see her new baby who is now 4 months old.  I have met her darling Bella before, but it had been a while since I had seen her.  Bella was born the day before Angel’s first birthday.  I brought her some formula, cereal, and baby food that Angel would no longer be using.  Seeing baby Bella with her porcelain white skin, beautiful blue eyes, chubby arms and legs that made spastic movement when she got excited, the smell of spit up that remained on my dress even after I left, her soft blankets, sweet smiles, and the way she felt as I held her brought me back to the same time last year when Angel was the same age.  Has a year already gone by?  Holding this sweet baby stirred feelings in me causing me to dream about my own precious baby.  This time when I dreamt of her it wasn’t full of anxiety like dreams I’ve had since she has been away.  Dreams that she felt I had abandoned her.  In this dream, I was holding her covering her in kisses just as I plan to do when I see her next, and although she didn’t speak to me I understood that she misses me and loves me just as much as the day she left. 
It has been 40 days since I last held my daughter, and there is not a second that goes by when she is not in the back of my mind or on the tip of my tongue.  I have tried to make the most of my time without her, but I have never enjoyed the fact that she was gone.  Her highchair sits in the corner clean absent of blueberries or peas, her toys are stacked neatly in the corner of the living room.  I walk into her room which is lined with vacuum cleaner marks on the floor because no one has been in there lately.  Her books are stacked in the bookcase, and my house is silent, no sounds of Elmo or The Wiggles.  I can’t promise that I won’t ever get upset over crayons on the wall, dirt on the floor, or an unkempt bedroom.  In those moments of frustration I will be thankful that those things are there, rather than not.  If you have children go hug them, kiss them all over, and make sure they know you love them so much, and when you get irritated with them imagine life without them.  Thank God for those messes and all the joys they bring because that is the meaning of life.  At least it is for me, and I can’t wait to have my life back!

Friday, July 15, 2011

Journaling

Many of my friends have suggested that I keep a journal during my time away from Angel. To them I say, I appreciate the suggestion and already do. Keeping a journal is a marvelous idea, and I strongly feel that everyone should do it. I have journals that go all the way back to the 5th grade. It’s funny to look back on them and read what was important in my life when I was 10.

October 22, 1987
Dear Diary,
I hate my new perm. The boys are calling me worm head. I wish I had never gotten it. I don’t understand why they have to be so mean. Just wait until they see me at Halloween when I spray it pink!

Oh to be young and to only worry about your hair. When I found out I was pregnant I immediately started a pregnancy journal, and I plan on giving it to Angel when she gets older just as my Mom did for me. I haven’t gone back and read anything that I wrote during my pregnancy, but I do recall that I noted my friends and family’s reaction to the news of my pregnancy, the first time that I felt her move, the first time I heard her heartbeat and how I cried at the beauty of the sound. Even after she was born I have kept up with this journal writing about her milestones as well as my own. I also have this blog which someday will be turned into a book, even if it is only for us to read. Another thing I have done to ensure that she know I am always thinking of her is, I created an email account for her when she was 6 months old and occasionally send her emails. I have given her email address to my friends and family to do the same. This is something you readers could do for your kids. They may not check their email now but they will when they are 15 or 16, who am I kidding probably when they are 10 or 11. Also, I wanted her to have a cool screen name. Most names are already taken and who wants to be Bizygurl22_90210*GoGators@hotmail.com?
You never know what tomorrow will hold, who will be around and who may not, email won’t go away (at least I don’t think it will). It can’t be destroyed by fire or water, and multiple people can use it. The messages just sit in virtual purgatory until they are summoned up and read. In the event that something happens to my journals she will always have these messages of love.

If any of you would like to send Angel an email please feel free to email it to Unexpectingmommy@gmail.com and I will forward it to her. I won’t read them, but out of respect for her privacy I don’t want to give her actual one out.

Have a great weekend!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

What Stinks?


            Since the heat has been ridiculous degrees Fahrenheit, boot camp is being held inside a gymnastic studio. The moment you walk into this place the smell of foot odor is so pungent it will knock you out.  Tonight the other members and I proceeded to the main arena for our class.  I wanted to stretch before we started so I sat down on the giant blue carpet which had a smiley face drawn on it in chalk, and as I leaned forward to bring my nose as close to my knee as possible I got a intense whiff of feet.  Not only did this carpet stink like a gym locker room, there was hair intertwined in it, strands of blond silk woven into blue stench.  I was disgusted by this carpet and decided to stand up and stretch as not to be attacked by the obvious little children germs and bacteria.

          After 45 minutes of pushups, squats, plank poses, triceps dips, pull ups, and jogging in place it was time for us to embrace the carpet and do crunches.  FINALLY, we could lie down.  That sweat filled, germ infested, foot smelling, rug was suddenly appealing to me.  I was worn out that I did not care that I was lying on a habitat for all kinds of God knows what.  I feel great and have decided that I will not need to get a flu shot this year, as I am sure I have now built up immunity to almost anything. I am sure tomorrow I will not be able to lift my arms up.  Is that a good reason to call in sick to work?  I can only imagine what next class will be like,
but at least my butt is a little firmer. 
 
          The disgusting odors in the gym help me take my mind off 
the other things going on in my life that sink!



Thursday, July 7, 2011

Checking Boxes


Since I am halfway through my time without my Angel, I thought I would reflect on the things I had proposed to do while she was gone.  (See post “51 Days Without My Angel”)   

     1.  The first thing I had done was PRK eye surgery.  It has been 3 weeks and my vision is still not perfect.  The doctor said that people with eyes as bad as mine take longer to get the perfect vision.  I can see without contacts or glasses, things are still a bit fuzzy.  In the mean time I have given my glasses to the neighborhood children to use as a magnifying glass to catch bugs on fire. 
     2.  Travel- I was able to go to Orlando, and I am looking into heading to New Orleans, Washington D.C., or Lexington before Angel gets back. 
     3.   I have not yet had my back yard landscaped, but I am meeting with a landscaper at the beginning of the week.  I am excited to be putting in a swing set for Angel.  Does anyone have any suggestions? 
     4.  Get back in shape- I joined my boot camp yesterday and of course for my first class they wanted a physical assessment of me.  I found out that in 1 minute I can do19 pushups (not the girlie style either), 39 squats, 42 full sit-ups, and 77 jumping jacks.  I also ran a mile in 10 minutes 19 seconds (that cleaned up play list must have helped out!). 
     5.  I’ve done a little yoga but not as much as I would like to.  I suggest that everyone try yoga at some point. 
     6.  I am playing tennis this Saturday.  Look out bees I will be swatting! 
   
The sock drawer has not been cleaned out (probably won't be), I have ordered over 100 pictures to put in frames.  I may just decorate an entire wall with them.  I just hope I can keep myself busy enough to make the next 25 days fly by!  I can’t wait to come home and play with Elmo, go for bike rides, clean up kitchen floor messes, and cover my Angel in kisses!!!!!  I must admit I have actually missed The Wiggles and can’t wait to hear their songs in the mornings. 

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

26 Days to Go!


What am awesome weekend!  I hope everyone enjoyed their 4th of July holiday.  We are blessed to live in this great nation.  Being with family and friends has kept me from feeling so sad.  I did get to hear my little Angel’s voice calling Mamamama, which made me miss her more than I already do.  I told her, “Don’t forget about Mommy”.  I pray she hasn’t. 25 days down 26 to go.  We’re almost half way there!!!!!! 

My plans were to take another photograph of myself to see if I have made any progress in my attempts to run and get back into shape.  I had some excellent song suggestions on my FaceBook page and have since cleaned up my playlist.  I only ran 3 times this past week which is 2 days less than I had hoped.  Not only that, like most people I ate all weekend.  There was a Mediterasian dinner Thursday night, sushi Friday night, hamburgers and hotdogs Saturday (call me un-American but I don’t eat hotdogs.  Have you ever seen the show History of the Hotdog?  If you have you wouldn’t eat them either).  Saturday night was a friend’s party which consisted of your typical party foods, Sunday was a craw-fish boil (suggestion: add brussel sprouts, asparagus, and mushrooms to your boil along with the usual corn and potatoes.  These extras are awesome!  Full of flavor and texture), of course on Monday there were ribs, all the trimmings and fireworks!  
 All that being stated I think I put on a few pounds instead of dropping some, but it was worth it!  Boot camp starts tomorrow and don’t be surprised if I write that I am so sore I can’t walk!  That will be worth it…… right??????

On a side note I have great news, there is a new virtual magazine being launched in Mobile, AL, and I have been asked to be a contributing writer.  (I see a book deal in my future.  What is the point of going to hell and back emotionally and mentally if you don’t write a book that has potential to be a Lifetime movie?!?!?!?)  The official launch date is sometime towards the end of July.  The web address is www.mobilelivemag.com Check it out!!!  I will keep you posted as we get closer.





Friday, July 1, 2011

Play List


It has been suggested that part of the reason that I have been down is because I have horrible taste in music and what I am listening to on my runs is not helping me at all.  Cher, Britney Spears, and Danish-Norwegian pop groups from the late 90’s (re: my Barbie Girl comment) are what some would say are atrocious.  So I am coming to you dear readers asking for your suggestions for a new playlist for me.  Please comment and give me your favorite songs to run or work out to or just your all-time favorite songs.

Speaking of music, if you haven’t gotten Adel’s new album 21 what are you waiting for??!?!?!?  This is by far the best album I have heard in a long time.  Most of you are familiar with her smash hit Rolling in the Deep, but I must tell you every song on this album is incredible!  It is a must have!!!!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY!