As we enter the month of February (wait what happened to January?) most people think about love, relationships, pink ribbons tied around red roses, chocolates, and Hallmark cards. Guys begin to stress about what to get their girl to make her happy (and most likely shut up). For those of us that are single, this month can conjure up feelings of loneliness, hurt, and bitterness. I have never been a big fan of Valentine’s Day so it won’t affect me this year, just like it hasn’t affected me the past few years. In regards to someone appreciating my love, I would rather it be a random day in August and not a dozen roses, a single rose caressing my face as I wake up in the morning. I have spoken to so many women who are single, who loathe this day. It is just another day. I know my Valentine’s Day is coming.
A friend of mine gave me a book for Christmas entitled Redeeming Love, by Francine Rivers. It is a love story and is considered to be the retelling of the book of Hosea from the Bible. The stories are about a man who loves a woman so unconditionally that he doesn't care that she was a prostitute and left him twice to go back to being a prostitute. Reading this book made me think about the kind of man I want to be with and the type of marriage I expect. I strongly recommend anyone read this book, especially if you are mending a broken heart. My heart has been mended after being ripped out, stomped and spit on. After almost 2 years of wanting to be loved by the only man I have ever truly loved, I was finally able to accept things for how they are. I have healed an am whole again. Now that that chapter of my life is closed I'm ready to begin a new one. I have found through my own self-discovery that before you can be happy with anyone else you have to first be happy with yourself. I can truthfully admit that I am happy with myself, where I am with my life, and what I have and don’t have in it. What I want and don’t have yet is a husband.
I have prayed and asked God to send me a husband. I can see him when I pray, and although I can't make out his face I know God has chosen him for me. I see him pull me close when I'm weak. I see him wiping tears away from my eyes when I'm sad. I see him standing by my side as we watch Angel grow, telling me he is so proud of her, and having the same joy in his eyes for her as I do. We will grow old together and he will hold my purse in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. I will love him more than I have ever loved any man. I will be there for him, I will tend to him, and I will support him until I die. I have so much love to give, and I can't wait to give it. I have never wanted to say I love you so badly to another person, and I don't even know them yet (or maybe I do :). My patience is being tested and sometimes I think, What is taking God so long? I am ready. Send him to me! My extraordinary friend that gave me this book said to me, “Amy, you may be ready but God may still be working on him.” Wow! So I will continue to be patient and pray.
For now I have do have someone that I love unconditionally. She will be my Valentine just as she has been and always will be.