Sulking

My three-day count down is over.  Now the real countdown begins, from now until the end of July when I get to see my baby girl again. I do have very good news though, her father has agreed to let me see her a weekend in July.  I will look forward to that instead of the end of the month. 
Last night after dropping her off and sobbing incessantly I came home to meet two of my very good friends, Sophia and Lois.  They were there to take me out to dinner and keep my mind off my empty house, and the fact that my daughter is gone for nearly 2 months.
This morning I woke to a dimly lit room, the sounds of a thunderstorm outside my window, and a pacifier underneath my pillow.  I finally drug myself out of bed after laying there for a half hour, my mind racing with the thoughts of the day before.  I got a cup of coffee and looked out my window.  The stormy weather mirrors my emotions and the tears that stream down my face look like rain drops in my reflection. 

I finally got motivated to clean my house.  I had to move the toys, clothes, and dishes which are a constant reminder that she is gone.  I turned on music by Thomas Tallis, which filled my house with haunting sounds of sadness.  My arms already ache to hold her and my lips long to kiss her forehead.  In a surprising twist the scowl between my eyebrows has relaxed because I have no one telling me, “NO!”, “That’s Mine!”, or throwing toys at me.  I will spend the day sulking, crying, and missing her, tomorrow I will pick myself up and move forward as I do after every arduous time in my life. 
Perhaps some good will come out of this, perhaps I will fall in love, perhaps I will rekindle an old friendship, and hopefully I will improve my tennis game and get in really good shape.
 

Finally, for those of you who don't know Christian Grey (I referenced snuggling up in bed with in my previous blog) is not an actual person.  He is a character in a raunchy book that I probably should not be reading, but I'm doing so from the insistence of my friends. I will admit he's every girl fantasy which makes the book appealing on that level; a young, hot, billionaire obsessed with an ordinary girl.  What girl doesn't want that?  However, there's no guy out there like that.  Mark Zuckerberg is the closest thing we've got and he's now married……and not that hot. 

 

I do appreciate everyone's thoughts, encouragement, and prayers.  Yes, this is tough, but what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right?  So they say.  At least I know that Angel is happy with her father and she is being well taken care of and I'll see her soon. 

Please don’t think that not having Angel around will force me into a writing sabbatical. I have made notes on some funny stories and will be sharing them with you in her absence.  I will also keep everyone up to date on how I’m doing, and if in fact I do find a Christian Grey of my own.

Aint No Sunshine 
Move In The Right Direction