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Sunday, July 22, 2012

You know you’re a Mom when...

There is something different about moms versus non-moms; something about the way moms carry themselves, most of the time slightly hunched with an over exhausted scowl on their face.  The way they look at other people’s children disapprovingly when they see them running around screaming in public, glancing sympathetically at the other mother, having been her shoes before.  There is also the way that moms have a sparkle in their eyes for babies.  Everybody loves babies, right?  I have a friend named Samantha that whenever we are out you can definitely tell which one of us has a child which one of us does not.  Whenever we're together and see a baby I immediately go over and coo, talk to the baby in my high pitch voice (which for me is hard because my voice is so deep most of the time I sound like a dude), I ask the mother questions about her baby, and pray I get an opportunity to show off my own baby.  Samantha on the other hand steps away from the child like it has cooties (maybe it does).   Sometimes she doesn’t even notice them and if she does she regards them with a fake smile.  I remember doing this exact same thing before I had a child.  I never wanted to pick a baby up out of fear that they might spit up on my clothing or get too close to a child afraid their sticky fingers were going to find their way on me, and of course I was terrified a child would sneeze on me and give me germs.  Not only that I would have to witness the snot flowing out of their nose and watch as they either wiped it with the back of their hand or tried to lick it. Either way I found it disgusting (and still do, no one likes to look as snot).  Now that I am a mother I am more empathetic to children, babies, and mothers.  In Jeff Foxworthy style of You Might Be a Redneck, here are a few scenarios of You know you’re a Mom when…..

You know you’re a Mom when your baby projectile poops all over you, your clothes, and it shoots so far it actually ends up on the wall, and you don’t gag or freak out about it when you clean it up you’re just glad they finally got the poop out.

You know you’re a Mom when you’re drinking water and your child wants some, so you let them have some and as they drink you see chunks of whatever they were eating as well as a plume of brown backwash enter into your cup, but instead of pouring it out and getting fresh water you drink it anyway, knowing as soon as you get fresh the same thing will happen all over again.  

You know you’re a Mom when your child sneezes in the grocery store and you quickly realize you have nothing to wipe their nose with so you act quickly by using your brand new yellow and white striped shirt to remove the snot before it gets all over their hands and or they eat it.  Then you hurry to finish your shopping so you can get home before the snot dries and your shirt is in a permanent bunch held together by mucus. 

You know you’re a Mom when your lunch or dinner consists of left over sandwich crust and apple sauce with crumbs in it, and you don’t even bother to sit down, you just eat it right there off the high chair.

You know you’re a Mom when you have the ability to step right over a child who has flung themselves on the floor screaming because they didn’t get a fruit snack before dinner.
Finally, you know you’re a Mom when you scoop a turd out of a diaper in the park with an icee cup lid. See post Turd in the Park

If you have any, You know you’re a Mom when stories please share!

Also, if you haven't watched this video Raising an Olympian watch it and see if it gives you goosebumps and maybe even a tear to your eyes.

1 comment:

Tracy Mixon said...
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