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Saturday, March 2, 2013

The Single Life

The past few months have been so wonderful for me.  I have been the happiest I have been in a long time.  I think the main reason is because I finally became content with my life.  I let go of my past (for the most part) and accepted that I am a single mom.  Before, I would dwell on the fact that I was single jealous of my friends with husbands or boyfriends.  I hated that I was single.  I hated saying the word SINGLE.  I hated feeling so desperate longing for that special person that I was supposed to live my life with, waiting for my Happily Ever After to begin.
Now I embrace my single lifestyle happy that I can go and do what I want when I want (when I want meaning when Angel is at her Dad’s).  I travel, I buy what I want, I don’t have to cook unless it is something I want to eat and I don’t have to listen to anyone snoring at night.  I have been dating and have met some pretty interesting guys.  Life is good.  I realized my Happily Ever After has begun.

Today I attended a funeral of a family member.  I went by myself like I do most events.  I had to hold it together and be strong for those around me.  It wasn’t until I got into my car that I lost it and sobbed the entire way home.  I wasn’t just the death that made me sad.  It was circumstances, people, old memories and the fact that I had no one to hold my hand as I drove.  I didn’t have anyone to pull me to them and hold me while I cried.  I didn’t have anyone to listen to me vent my anger and frustration.  No one was there to tell me it would all be ok.  I was bragging one day about being single and a lady commented and said, “That is all fine and good but there is something sad about a cold and empty bed.”  It is days like these that that resonates with me. 

I got all of my emotion out before I pulled into my driveway, drying my eyes so Angel wouldn’t see me upset.  At least I have her to come home to.  So overall I am very happy and satisfied with my life at the moment but there are days like today that I long for that person that is not just a soul mate but a best friend.  

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