The past few months have been so wonderful for me. I have been the happiest I have been in a long time. I think the main reason is because I finally became content with my life. I let go of my past (for the most part) and accepted that I am a single mom. Before, I would dwell on the fact that I was single jealous of my friends with husbands or boyfriends. I hated that I was single. I hated saying the word SINGLE. I hated feeling so desperate longing for that special person that I was supposed to live my life with, waiting for my Happily Ever After to begin.
Now I embrace my single lifestyle happy that I can go and do what I want when I want (when I want meaning when Angel is at her Dad’s). I travel, I buy what I want, I don’t have to cook unless it is something I want to eat and I don’t have to listen to anyone snoring at night. I have been dating and have met some pretty interesting guys. Life is good. I realized my Happily Ever After has begun.
Today I attended a funeral of a family member. I went by myself like I do most events. I had to hold it together and be strong for those around me. It wasn’t until I got into my car that I lost it and sobbed the entire way home. I wasn’t just the death that made me sad. It was circumstances, people, old memories and the fact that I had no one to hold my hand as I drove. I didn’t have anyone to pull me to them and hold me while I cried. I didn’t have anyone to listen to me vent my anger and frustration. No one was there to tell me it would all be ok. I was bragging one day about being single and a lady commented and said, “That is all fine and good but there is something sad about a cold and empty bed.” It is days like these that that resonates with me.
I got all of my emotion out before I pulled into my driveway, drying my eyes so Angel wouldn’t see me upset. At least I have her to come home to. So overall I am very happy and satisfied with my life at the moment but there are days like today that I long for that person that is not just a soul mate but a best friend.